If I Had Known

If I had only known that the love I had felt for the little person growing inside of me was going to increase more than ten times once he was here, I don't think anything could have prepared me for the emotions I felt when meeting him for the first time.

Lucas Ray Gilbert was born on August 16th at 3:57am after 9 hours of labor and 45 minutes of pushing.  After all the horror stories I had heard of the crazy pain and emotions that you felt during labor I felt like my labor experience was a breeze.  Jared was a trooper.  For someone who can't handle needles or blood, he was there for the whole thing and watched our son be born. 
Our sweet boy was 6 lbs and 7 oz at 19.5 inches long.  After he was finally out, he was having problems breathing, while the nurse tried to explain to me that nurses from the NICU were coming to take him away and that Jared would go with them, I had a melt down.  I was still dealing with the post birth and clean up but couldn't fight back the tears.  My son who I had seen for less than a minute was taken away and I felt so helpless.  Thank heavens for my mom.  I knew Jared was with him and I would know soon how he was.  But those minutes after felt like eternity.  They kept my precious boy for over an hour in the NICU while I cried not being able to hold back my emotions.  My little boy was returned back to me good as new and breathing like a champ after that long hour.  I didn't want anyone to touch him or take him away from me again.  I just wanted to stare at him and breathe in his little scent. 
Again, after he was just brought back he was taken again to the NICU due to low blood sugar.  The tears came again.  I knew Lucas was ok but that they needed to monitor him closely and not from afar.  This was devastating.  I had only spent barely three hours with someone so perfect and again he was getting whisked away.  I couldn't get out of bed therefor was unable to go to the NICU for two of the longest hours.  Once I was able to get up and walk down the hall to see my boy, Jared held my hand as I walked into the NICU.  I lost it, the tears wouldn't stop.  The small tiny babies that were sick or just so tiny to be on their own made my heart hurt and my baby was right next to them.  As much as I knew Lucas was going to be ok, I had a hard time being in there and at the same time I didn't want to leave him.  A day and a half later, we were able to have the little man back in our room only to find he was now jaundice....so now we had him back but we couldn't touch him but for thirty minutes every three hours to feed, change and cuddle him.  That didn't leave us much time. 
We were transferred to the new Don & Lori Watts Pediatrics center....it was beautiful, but this was our third day in the hospital and I was ready to go home.  I just wanted Lucas to be better and my prayers were answered the next morning when we were finally released after his billi count was low enough to go home.  I cried again, of course these were tears of joy. 

Now, eleven days later I'm still in love with the tiny little man I waited so long for.  He's perfect in every way.  I'm in awe of what Jared and I made.  Here's to being new parents and the adventure we are about to endure.